添削前文章イメージ
トピック：Impact of Video games on youth
I think that video game have a very negative effect on children‘s health. Playing video game for long time can lead to less sleep. This can have great negative impact on child growth. So, I believe that parents should limit the gaming time.
添削済み文書イメージ
I think that video games have a very negative effect on children‘s health. Playing video games for long time can lead to sleep disorders. This can have a great negative impact on child's growth. So, I believe that parents should limit their gaming time.